


Connection Error

by Mameshiba (Popuko)



Category: Dan Vs., Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popuko/pseuds/Mameshiba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when two angry short psychopaths switch places? One of them, an inexperienced human, is now the center of an epic world-spanning quest to save several worlds, and the other, a slightly-more-experienced troll is left to navigate the havoc of California. Things are certain not to turn out well for either of the two, but it'll certainly be a trainwreck to watch...a retelling of Homestuck from Hivebent onwards, with a few canon changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: ==> BEGIN.

Dan had never been a technology person, that much was certain. That was almost guaranteed the one time he went after Barry Ditmer, and at this point it was a given. He'd gotten an extra laptop since (a half-working one that nearly had its screen falling off -- the thing practically had to be popped back into place every time it was opened or closed), but he'd never shown much interest, minus showing Mr. Mumbles a few cute cat videos on there now and again. She liked to feel connected to her kind, okay? That was the only way.

Of course, considering where this story was going, perhaps a more fitting introduction would be thus:

A tiny, angry man stands in his apartment. It just so happens that today is this man's birthday! Though it was several years ago that he was born and given a name, we'll be running through the usual procedure just in case anyone new tuned in. What will the name of this man be?

**== > ARROGANT JERKFAC--**  


_**TRY AGAIN, ASSHAT!** _

**== > DAN MANDEL**

**== > EXAMINE ROOM.**  
Your name is **DAN**. As previously mentioned, it is your birthday and none of your **UNGRATEFUL MINIONS** have come over to present you with a gift as of yet, which you are currently **QUITE PISSED** about. In fact, they may be dead to you once more, which is roughly the 8th time that has happened this week. You have a variety of **INTERESTS**. You have a passion for **REALLY TERRIBLE B-MOVIES** , especially of the **SLASHER GENRE**. Your only real friend at the moment is **MR. MUMBLES** , your loyal kitty companion (who is actually a girl, despite the name). You have a fondness for **ELABORATE REVENGE SCHEMES** , and generally do nothing with your life since it tends to **SUCK HORRIBLY** a good 90% of the time, thus your lack of **JOB**. You also happen to enjoy **YELLING AT PEOPLE** to blow off steam. What will you do now?

**== > MESSAGE CHRIS. UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE.**  
Ah yes. Your most 'loyal' and cowardly minion, who somehow still hasn't come over to wish you any sort of a happy birthday. What a good-for-nothing. He's probably too busy spending time with his so-called wife to bother, obviously. She ruins everything she touches. Grumbling, you pull out the phone he'd given you last Christmas, and pull up an 'app' on there called 'Pesterchum' that somehow, everyone you knew had accounts for. God knows why. Whatever.

**\-- eradicationBelligerent [EB] began pestering pabulumDespoil [PD] at 09:45 --**  
EB: AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO COMMENT ON HOW I LIKE THE USERNAME I PICKED FOR YOU AND HOW IT CAN'T BE CHANGED.  
EB: I AM FURIOUS WITH YOU AT THE MOMENT.  
EB: DID YOU FORGET THAT CURRENTLY. IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT DAY. AND YOU ARE MISSING IT.  
EB: I CAN TELL YOU'RE THERE EVEN IF YOUR MOOD SAYS YOU'RE OFFLINE. I CAN TELL.  
EB: I'M GOING TO HOPE THAT THIS IS ALL ELISE'S FAULT AND WE CAN BLAME THIS ON HER AFTER YOU BEG FORGIVENESS AND PRESENT ME WITH $50. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE EVEN.  
EB: FOR YOUR SAKE THAT'D BETTER BE TRUE.  
EB: SO I'LL BE WAITING.  
EB: GET HERE SOON.  
EB: by the way this is dan  
EB: in case you didn't realize  
EB: SO READ THIS AND STOP MAKING KISSY FACE AT THE WIFE YOU SHOULD'VE DIVORCED A LONG TIME AGO.  
**\-- eradicationBelligerent [EB] ceased pestering pabulumDespoil [PD] at 09:50 --**

If he doesn't arrive soon you will most definitely call him Monkeyface McAsshole for at least two weeks. In fact, you will sneak into the government offices and legally change his name to that. You've done crazier before. Why not?

**== > CHANGE YOUR PESTERCHUM STATUS TO 'RANCOROUS'.**

Ah yes. That is an apt word for your mood at the moment. And almost every moment, bar very few exceptions. Mr. Mumbles sometimes tapped at your phone to change it to a much less anger-filled 'bully', but no. Rancorous is the best word to describe your feelings even if she wished it wasn't so. She's just concerned, poor thing. You resolve to give her more kitty snuggles later.

_**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.** _

That is _not_ Chris's knock. You know Chris's knock by now. So who the hell is it?

**== > GO SEE WHO THE HELL IT IS.**

You open the door, taking a few cautious glances outside. Whoever they are, they left pretty damn fast. Almost too fast. You begin to suspect that a blue hedgehog of some sort is playing pranks on you, but then you dismiss the thought because you very well know that that would be stupid. Not that stranger hasn't happened...on a weekly basis...

Hold on a minute, whoever it was left a gift.

**== > PICK UP SAID GIFT.**

Said gift is a CD-rom in one of those little flimsy sleeves you get when the developer is too lazy to make an actual case. You remind yourself that 'shitty CD-rom sleeves' are going onto the **REVENGE LIST** no doubt, right below 'weird booklets that have that paper that makes your fingertips uncomfortable'. Nonetheless, the sleeve has a design on it of a green house, split into 4 squares and a triangle top with white space inbetween. Above it, in green lettering, reads 'SBURB'. Despite the presentation, you can't help but admire the design. It's a nice use of white space.

But you can't just trust this mysterious game right away, it could be a trap by some malevolent entity. Or could you? You are fairly bored, after all...

**== > FUCK THIS. SQUAWK LIKE A CHICKEN AND SHIT ON THE CRATE YOU USE AS A TABLE.**

**WHAT NO. THAT'D BE STUPID.**  
And yet the crate.  
_It beckons._

**== > OKAY FINE. INSERT THE DISC, MAYBE?**

You slam the door shut, ignoring any so-far-unforeseen lackey that probably hasn't come over, and walk over to your laptop, currently situated on the previously mentioned crate. You stare at the laptop for a few minutes, the current background being the generic desktop wallpaper with clouds and hills, before realizing that you've never had to put a CD-rom inside it before, since those things are obsolete as far as 99% of the world is concerned. Oh. This is a problem, isn't it?

**== > SMASH RANDOM KEYS LIKE A DUMBASS.**

As your anger bubbles up at your lack of knowledge on how to do this, you begin slamming random keys on your keyboard, causing an unpleasant string of ' _ **BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**_ ' before the CD drive shoots out and slams you in the stomach. Good job, Arrogant Jerkface.

**== > INSERT THE DISC THEN.**

Despite your brief fit of rage coupled with flipping the laptop off, you slide the disc out of its sleeve and put it on the disc drive, pushing it inside. As soon as you do, a client (that's what they call these things in black-and-white with only text, right?) appears. The text on it reads ' **SBURB BETA: HOST** or **CONNECT** '. You grimace. A multiplayer game? Seriously? Who would you have to play this wit--well, you didn't have two laptops lying around here, so the one person who you could trust to play with you would be unable to do so.

Wait a second.

It flashes green for a split second before reading ' **CONNECTION FOUND. CONNECT?** '

**== > CONNECT.**

You hit enter on the keyboard, before the computer lets out a loud hiss and a crackle that probably does not signify a safe system. For all you know, however, that's normal for computers. Maybe.

_**THUMP.** _

Something appears to have fallen outside.

**== > CHECK IT OUT?**

You peek out your window, only to see--

"OH, COME ON!"

**YOUR CAR WAS CRUSHED BY SOME WEIRD....THINGY. UGGGGHHHHH.** Fine. May as well grab a weapon and beat the shit out of it to release rage, at least. You glance around your apartment before finally deciding on a sword that you stole from some kind of crappy art exhibit while Chris and Elise were shopping around there. Tch. It looked cool, at least.

You step outside, pointing the sword forward before you stand with uncertainty, glancing back at your apartment as the machine that has crushed your car into a flat piece of metal spits out a few empty cards. A sound is heard from your apartment, and slowly but surely, a floating figure floats down the stairs to float next to you.

**== > WHAT THE HELL KILL IT.**

You swipe at the thing, but it seems unharmed. It simply floats there. You give it an uncertain stare before going back inside, closing your door behind you. The thing simply floats in behind you as if nothing happened. Mr. Mumbles hisses at it.

**== > ATTACK PLAN C!**

**STRIFE!**  
**> Aggress**  
**> Aggrieve**  
**> Abilities**  
**> Abscond**

**> > Abilities: Attack Plan C**

You grab Mr. Mumbles, and toss her at the weird floating thing. To your surprise and horror, the thing EATS MR. MUMBLES. You release a HORRIFIED GASP coupled with an EXCLAMATION OF RAGE as you nearly turn red. _**IT ATE MR. MUMBLES IT WILL NOW PAY GRAVELY WITH ITS LIFE.**_

**> > Aggress**

You dash towards it, raising your sword in rage as the thing suddenly sprouts Mr. Mumbles' head and paw. You pause briefly, before realizing that this means that Mr. Mumbles was too spicy for it. Of course! You shouldn't have counted her out so soon. Her spirit conquered her captor! Hurray, Mr. Mumbles!

...

You decide that kitty snuggles are not apt to her new form, and simply settle for giving her a high-five. Didn't want to leave her hanging, after all.

**== > EXAMINE THE SITUATION.**

You are so confused right now you don't even know. You just need to sit down.

**== > SIT DOWN.**

You sit on your couch as Ghostie-Mr. Mumbles floats beside you. You give her a small pat on the ghostiekitty noggin. There there, good girl. Hmmm. Nonchalantly, you hand her Brutus to maaaybe let her snuggle with something. She's usua--she absorbs Brutus fully and now sprouts teddy bear ears....oh.

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Mew.

...Well, that figures.

**== > SPEAK TO BRUTUMBLESPRITE?**

DAN: ...are you doing okay, mr. mumbles?

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Mew mew!  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Yes I'm fine! :3 Don't be worried!

DAN: YOU CAN TALK?

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: I've talked to a lot of people before I dunno why you never noticed  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: But yeah I can! Unless you don't want me to! 3:

DAN: NO, NO! IT'S GREAT! I CAN FINALLY TALK TO SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME!

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Mostly at least :3

DAN: CLOSE ENOUGH!

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Yaaaay! But um I've gotta warn you master  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: There's some impending doom coming your way and I don't think it's gonna go too well  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: I dunno what's coming though I wasn't paying too much attention but it's really weird

DAN: PLEASE. I'VE FACED IMPENDING DOOM EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. BRING IT ON.

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: That's the spirit master!  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: That's why you're the best because you're so reliable  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Even if you scare me sometimes and I hurt you on accident  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: I'm sorry 3:

DAN: AWW, I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU. IT'S OKAY.

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: <3!  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: I'm kinda feeling sorta sick 3:  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: Not in a 'please don't take me to the vet no matter what Chris or Elise says' way  
BRUTUMBLESPRITE: The vet is for squares 3:

DAN: WELL, YEAH, OBVIOUSLY, I'D NEVER DO THAT.

BRUTUMBLESPRITE: I'm more sick in an 'impending doom' way

Unbeknownst to Dan or Brutumblesprite, the laptop was now flashing a screen that said 'CONNECTION ERROR'. That was about all that Dan noticed before his world turned to black, coupled with a frightened mew from Brutumblesprite.

* * *

 

....  
......  
........  
...........

**== > WAKE UP.**

You awake hours later in a completely unfamiliar place. It's grey, dark, and almost looks kind of...alien. There's a picture of Will Smith on the wall that's also grey with horns, and apparently you'd left someone hanging as far as chatting to anyone was concerned. Or, whoever was here previously had. You rub your eyes, and get up, walking your way over to the computer and sending one simple message.

CG: WHOEVER YOU WERE TALKING TO ISN'T HERE ANYMORE.  
CG: I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S TRUE.  
CG: THIS IS SOMEONE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT AND WHOEVER YOU ARE, CAN YOU TELL ME WHATEVER THE FRESH HELL IS GOING ON? I'M NOT IN MY HOME. ANYMORE AT LEAST. AND NOW I'M ON THIS WEIRD COMPUTER IN A WEIRD PLACE AND...UGH.  
CG: LET'S START SIMPLE AT LEAST.  
CG: I'M NOT CG, CG ISN'T HERE. YOU CAN CALL ME...EB.  
CG: WHO ARE YOU?


	2. DAN ==> CONTINUE TO FLIP YOUR SHIT.

**== > EXAMINE THE PREVIOUS CHATLOG WHILE WAITING FOR A RESPONSE.**

TC: YoU jUsT gOt To Be GoInG wItH wHaT fEeLs RiGhT aT wHeRe YoUr HeArT's Up In, YoU kNoW?   
TC: bEsT fRiEnD. 

CG: I WONDER WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THING I DID TO DESERVE SUCH AN AWFUL BEST FRIEND.   
CG: OR MAYBE WHAT TERRIBLE THING I'M GOING TO DO AND GET PUNISHED FOR IN ADVANCE.   
CG: MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE PREEMPTIVELY THE WORST FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH WHO EVER LIVED AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT YET, BUT HEY LOOK, YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS EXHIBIT A I GUESS. 

TC: It'S sUcH a BeAuTiFuL tHiNg.   
TC: ThIs TrOlL dIsEaSe CaLlEd FrIeNdShIp. 

You can relate to this beyond all belief. The fact that CG is already saying some things that sound like things you'd say is a bit unnerving to say the least. What's worse is that he seems to have 'befriended' a dirty hippie. And you just messaged said dirty hippie. This is not going to go well. But nonetheless, a response quickly appears on your -- CG's -- computer.

TC: WhAt ArE yOu MeAnInG bY tHaT? :o?  
TC: I'm KiNdA CoNfUsEd.

You groan. Of course he is.

CG: LET'S MAKE THIS SIMPLE THEN, SHALL WE?  
CG: DO I SOUND EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT ABNORMAL?  
CG: ENOUGH FOR YOUR BRAIN TO PROCESS AT LEAST?

TC: NoPe. :o)

...Yeah, okay, he's got you there.

TC: AnYwAy WhAt'S uP wItH yOuR bAd SeLf, FoR sErIoUs HeRe.   
TC: iSn'T sOmEtHiNg BiG aLl GoInG dOwN? 

**== >**

CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!  
CG: IF SOMETHING BIG IS GOING DOWN THEN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS.  
CG: BECAUSE I JUST GOT HERE. OBVIOUSLY.

TC: tHaT tHiNg wItH Ta?

CG: TA?

TC: ...yOu ReAlLy dO hAvE AmNeSiA, DoN't YoU, KaRbRo? :o(

IS THAT HIPPIE CONDESCENDING YOU?!

CG: EXCUSE YOUR FUCKING BIGNOSE EMOTICONS.  
CG: I DON'T HAVE AMNESIA AND I'M NOT KARBRO. MY NAME IS DAN!  
CG: IF I WAS KARBRO, MAYBE I'D HAVE SOME IDEA WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BUT SOMEHOW I STILL DOUBT THAT I'D HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU BLATHER ON ABOUT WITH YOUR SHITTY sPeCiAl WAY OF SPEAKING. IN FACT I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT I'LL NEVER HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING HIPPIE.  
CG: SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

TC: aUuUuUuUgH

CG: WHAT?!

TC: HaHa, iT's cOoL, JuSt AcCiDeNtAlLy sTePpEd oN oNe oF mY hOrNs.

You glance behind you at the picture of horned-demon Will Smith, then begin typing once more.

CG: I'M IMMENSELY CONFUSED AS TO HOW YOU DID THAT BUT I'M SURE YOU FOUND A WAY.

Before you see any explanation from the hippie as to how he tripped over his own head, you feel your pocket and see another chat window pop up on CG's screen.

**== > CHECK YOUR PHONE.**

**\-- eradicationBelligerent [EB]  began messaging carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 11:45 --**

EB: OKAY, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS FOR ME.  
EB: ONE. WHO THE FUCK IS ON MY ACCOUNT, FORCING ME TO USE THIS ONE?  
EB: TWO. WHERE THE FUCK AM I AND WHY AM I HERE? EITHER WAY IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE DIED IN HERE.  
EB: LET'S JUST START FROM THERE AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES US.

CG: WHAT LUCK. THOSE ARE THE QUESTIONS I'D LIKE ANSWERED FOR MYSELF.  
CG: ONE, MY NAME IS DAN. I GUESS I WOKE UP IN YOUR ROOM? DOES YOUR ROOM HAVE A DEMONIC PICTURE OF A SHITTY ACTOR DEMANDING YOUR SOUL?  
CG: TWO, IF I'M HERE, THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY IN MY APARTMENT. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE THERE, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HERE, AND FURTHERMORE, SHUT UP. NO ONE HAS DIED IN THERE PHYSICALLY. EMOTIONALLY MAYBE. BUT THAT DOESN'T CAUSE A STINK USUALLY.

EB: DO NOT SHITTALK TROLL WILL SMITH.

CG: HE'S A TROLL NOW? YOU MEAN, RUNNING TOLL BRIDGES, EATING GOATS TROLL?  
CG: ALSO THAT KINDA SOUNDS ODDLY RACIST.

EB: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE *YOU* TALKING ABOUT?

EB: OKAY. FUCK IT. LET'S START OVER. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS. YOU'RE USING MY TROLLIAN ACCOUNT. AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

CG: MY NAME IS DAN. AND YES, I'M USING IT. MOSTLY BECAUSE ONE OF YOUR WEIRD FRIENDS MESSAGED ME.

EB:...WHICH ONE?

**== >**

CG: THE ONE THAT tAlKs lIkE tHiS :o)   
CG: THAT WAS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL TO TYPE I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

EB: OH DEAR JESUS WHY. THAT'S GAMZEE. JUST BE NICE TO HIM.

CG: HE'S DUMB? I'VE ALREADY FIGURED THAT ONE OUT, BY THE WAY. KINDA DAWNED ON ME WHEN HE TRIPPED OVER HIS OWN TWO HORNS.

EB: HE PROBABLY MEANT HIS STUPID SHITTY CLOWN HORNS HE HAS EVERYWHERE.

CG: WHAT.

EB: YEAH. YOU GET USED TO IT. HE STILL THINKS THAT CUDDLING IN THE HORN PILE WITH EVERYONE IS A GOOD IDEA AND THAT IT WOULD BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER MORE.

CG: SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF MY FRIENDS.

EB: IS SAID FRIEND A TALL HUMAN WITH BROWN HAIR?

CG: SO YOU'VE MET CHRIS.

EB: HE'S STANDING OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR.

CG: SHIT. THIS IS GOING TO GET COMPLEX, ISN'T IT?

**== >**

EB: NO SHIT? HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT HIS WIFE MADE HIM DO A FEW CHORES OR SOMETHING AND HE UNDERSTANDS WHY YOU'RE MAD. WHY ARE YOU MAD?

CG: VARIOUS REASONS.  
CG: I'M SURE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHEN I TELL YOU THAT CHRIS IS MY GAMZEE.

EB: OH.  
EB: THAT MAKES SENSE. KINDA.  
EB: SO WAIT, YOU'RE ON ALTERNIA RIGHT NOW?

CG: UH...MAYBE? IF THAT'S WHERE YOUR ROOM IS LOCATED.

EB: STEP OUTSIDE.  
EB: YOU'LL SEE.

**== > GO OUTSIDE.**

You put the phone away in your pocket and step outside. Immediately, there's a visible difference. For one, the sky is some purple hue, for two, all the buildings are grey, and for three...there are two moons. Yep. Definitely not in Kansas anymore. You shake your head at all of this colossal mindfuckery, and pinch the bridge of your forehead.

**== > GO BACK INSIDE.**

Stepping back inside, you glance at Karkat's computer and realize that there's a new message on it. Reluctantly, you open up the chat window to see who it is.

\-- twinArmageddons began trolling carcinoGeneticist --

TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people.

This typing thing was even worse than the last one! At least Hippie Clown kept to just random capitalization, this one is all over the place with double is and 2s and two puns, and....ugh! Your impeccable sense of grammar is getting to you. You pull out your phone once more.

**== > MESSAGE KARKAT FOR ASSISTANCE.**

CG: DOES EVERYONE YOU KNOW TALK IN A RIDICULOUSLY STUPID FASHION SO THEY CAN LOOK 'UNIQUE'?

EB: YES. DID SOMEONE ELSE CONTACT YOU?

CG: YEAH. IF IT HELPS, he talk2 liike thii2. 

EB: THAT'S SOLLUX. HE'S ALRIGHT, MORE SANE - RELATIVELY SPEAKING - THAN GAMZEE. WHAT'D HE SAY?

CG: HE'S SAYING THAT HE'S SETTING YOU UP TO PLAY A GAME WITH SOME PEOPLE. IF THAT'S REALLY WHAT HE'S SAYING BECAUSE MY MIND IS NEARLY EXPLODING WITH TRYING TO COMPREHEND THESE STUPID TYPING FASHIONS.  
CG: WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST TYPE NORMAL LIKE WE DO? DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT A STRAIN ON MY EYES?

EB: OKAY THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.  
EB: AND I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. I WISH. I CAN UNDERSTAND.

CG: YEAH, ALRIGHT. DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY ANYTHING?

EB: TRY TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION BUT TRY NOT TO PISS HIM OFF TOO MUCH.

CG: ROGER.

You put your phone away once more and get to typing to respond to TA.

**== > RESPOND TO TA.**

CG: KK ISN'T HERE TO FLIP HIS SHIT, CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?   
CG: ACTUALLY DON'T BOTHER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE.

TA: what the hell are you talking about vanta2??  
TA: ii know you don't have the 2kiill po22iible two create a program two answer for you.  
TA: 2o ju2t be 2eriiou2 for a 2ec, ok.

CG: I TOLD YOU. I'M NOT KARKAT. I'M NOT A PROGRAM AND I'M NOT KARKAT.   
CG: MY NAME IS DAN. 

TA: oh no  
TA: kk'2 fiinally 2napped and created an alternate per2onaliity.

CG: I'M NOT KARKAT, YOU JERKFACE! MY NAME IS DAN! I'M NOT KARKAT'S ALTERNATE PERSONALITY, EITHER, BECAUSE THAT WOULD REQUIRE ME TO BE KARKAT!  
CG: WHICH I'M CLEARLY FUCKING NOT!

TA: and 2aiid alternate per2onaliity acts entiirely the 2ame a2 normal KK.  
TA: ii probably 2hould be 2urprii2ed but there'2 not much of a diifference 2o ii'm the 2ame. 

CG: FUCK IT. WHATEVER, BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE AND LOOK LIKE A JACKASS IF I EVER ACTUALLY SHOW UP AND PROVE YOU WRONG.   
CG: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO TELL KARKAT?

TA: okay 2o ju2t relay thii2 2hiit back two hiim whenever you '2ee' hiim.  
TA: the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.   
TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.   
TA: heh ii gue22 the long one wa2 2horter than the 2hort one FUCK.

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE PLOT OF A BAD MOVIE AT BEST AND A SHITTY TEEN BOOK SERIES AT WORST.  
CG: I'M CALLING BULLSHIT.

TA: 2crew you vanta2 thii2 2hiit2 more real than kraft grub2auce. 

CG: RIGHT. I'M NOT GOING TO ASK WHAT THAT IS.  
CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME? 

TA: no no.   
TA: more liike ii adapted iit. 

CG: FROM WHAT. 

TA: 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2.   
TA: havent you talked two her about iit? 

CG: I'VE ONLY MET YOU AND THE DIRTY CLOWN HIPPIE SO FAR SO NO NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.  
CG: BUT IF SHE'S ANYTHING LIKE YOU TWO THEN I DON'T THINK I'LL BOTHER.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket. You sneak a glance at it.

**== > REPLY TO KARKAT.**

EB: WHY IS THERE A PAWBEAST IN HERE? 

CG: THAT'S MR. MUMBLES. DON'T HURT HER OR I'LL KILL YOU IN RETURN.

EB: WHY DID YOU NAME HER 'MR.'?

CG: I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS A GIRL UNTIL LATER, DO YOU FUCKING THINK I WOULD'VE LOOKED?!

EB: OKAY. POINT TAKEN. HOW'S IT GOING WITH SOLLUX?

CG: SWELL. HE THINKS I'M YOUR ALTERNATE PERSONALITY AND THAT WE'RE CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.

EB: I'M A MIXTURE OF UNSURPRISED AND VAGUELY PISSED OFF.

CG: JOIN THE CLUB. HE'S ALSO TELLING ME ABOUT THIS GAME THAT HE MADE THAT APPARENTLY DETERMINES THE FATE OF EVERYONE FOREVER OR SOME CLICHÉ BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.

EB: OH. RIGHT, THAT THING HE WAS BEING REALLY SECRETIVE ABOUT.

CG: HE ALSO MENTIONED THAT IT WAS ADAPTED FROM ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY THAT SOMEONE NAMED 'AA' FOUND.

EB: DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. SHE'S SPOOKY.

CG: ALRIGHT. HE'S TELLING ME...

You sneak a glance back at the computer.

CG: HE'S TELLING ME THAT THIS IS A TEAM-BASED GAME WITH RED AND BLUE TEAMS, HE'LL BE LEADING BLUE AND WE'RE ON RED.

EB: OKAY SO WE'RE LEADING RED AND GET TO PICK OUR OWN TEAMMATES?

CG: ...APPARENTLY NOT.

EB: HUH?

CG: HE GAVE THE POSITION OF LEADER TO GC.

EB: WHAT?! GC IS LITERALLY BLIND!

CG: HE GAVE THE POSITION OF LEADER TO A BLIND GIRL INSTEAD OF US?! WHAT THE HELL?!

EB: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

**=== >**

You hear a noise from downstairs and quickly message Karkat concerning it.

CG: THERE WAS A SOUND FROM DOWNSTAIRS THAT SOUNDED LIKE 'SKREEEE'.

EB: ....HIGH-PITCHED OR LOW-PITCHED?

CG: HIGH.

EB: THEN YOU MIGHT WANNA PUT OFF GOING DOWNSTAIRS.


End file.
